Millions of Americans serve as family caregivers for their loved ones. The estimated number exceeds 60 million, but there may be more. For these family caregivers, each day can be frustrating and exhausting, as well as satisfying and rewarding.
As family caregivers cope with the stress and effort of their responsibilities, it’s imperative that they take special care of their own mental and emotional health, to avoid feeling like they’re drowning in the sadness of watching a loved one decline.
This week, we came across this insightful article in the Wall Street Journal in which reporter Clare Ansberry spotlights one of the key ingredients for caregiver health: acceptance of your own limitations. Let’s take a look at her findings. (Note that a subscription may be required to access the Wall Street Journal article online.)
The Key to Caregiver Health: Acceptance of Life’s Circumstances
Ansberry begins her Wall Street Journal article with a statement of contrasts.
“It turns out that maintaining wellness as a caregiver, especially for older adults, doesn’t follow the usual prescriptions of good diet, exercise and sleep,” she writes, “although all are important. Nor is it the absence of stress and sadness.”
In fact, caregiver wellness hinges on a different – and simpler – notion. “Instead,” says Ansberry, “well-being often boils down to accepting that a loved one can’t do things they once did, that their personalities can change and that anger, guilt and fear are normal.
“Rather than trying to do everything, we find that being present is often the most we can do.”
As one caregiver told the Wall Street Journal, “I showed up today as best as I could and I will try again tomorrow.”
63 Million Caregivers, Most Paying a High Physical and Emotional Price
According to the article, there are presently about 63 million U.S. caregivers who provide unpaid care, mostly to loved ones who are older adults. That’s from an extensive 2025 report from the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP.
“About one in three provide care for at least five years,” writes Ansberry. “Nearly two-thirds reported moderate to high emotional stress; 70 percent experience physical strain.”
And yet, as the article emphasizes, most caregivers feel a great sense of purpose in what they do. Ansberry spoke with Jason Resendez, president of the National Alliance for Caregiving. He told her, “Despite the harsh realities of caregiving, over half of family caregivers report a deep sense of meaning providing care.”
Caregivers Cope by Accepting Reality, Choosing Joy, Seeking Friends
In her Wall Street Journal article, reporter Ansberry spoke with several caregivers who shared insight into how they managed to thrive despite the emotional cost.
One Oregon woman moved to California to provide respite care for her 81-year-old dad who was full-time caregiver for her mom with dementia. But the mom’s disease progressed rapidly, and then the father was hospitalized and had to move to assisted living. Now the daughter, age 60, is practicing the art of accepting her parents’ decline while cherishing what good moments they have.
“Developing and maintaining positivity can enhance wellness when faced with a devastating diagnosis,” Ansberry adds. One couple chose to dance together daily during eight months of cancer treatment. Another man, caring for his wife, decided to turn to his circle of close friends for support and a listening ear.
Caregivers Have to Learn There Are Things They Can’t Change
Caregivers quickly discover that there are many things they will not be able to change. As Ansberry writes, “One of the hardest things for caregivers to do is stop trying to change the immutable.”
“We feel like the battle against death and aging is up to us,” caregiving expert Denise Brown told Ansberry. Brown runs Caregiving Years Training Academy which certifies caregiving consultants. “At the end, it’s hard for us to switch to ‘being,’ not ‘doing,’” she says.
One Couple’s Journey with Early-Onset Dementia
This process is one that Tom Piech knows well. In Ansberry’s article, she profiles Piech, now 74, and his wife, Cheri, who showed signs of early onset Alzheimer’s in her 50s. She eventually passed away in 2018.
“At first, Piech, a retired pharmacist, cared for Cheri at home,” Ansberry writes. She slept two hours a day, and followed him from room to room, worried, he believes, that she would lose him. When he began fearing for both their safety, he reluctantly moved her to a dementia-care facility.”
“The transition from spouse to caregiver to caretaker is exquisitely difficult,” Piech told the Wall Street Journal. “At the point of caretaker, you realize the person you loved for 50 years is gone.”
Piech remembers the time when Cheri, by then mostly nonverbal, looked at him and said, “You’re a good man.” He reflects, “Those are the words that you hold on to for a lifetime.”
Being a Family Caregiver is a Job No One Really Wants
Ansberry concludes her article with a thought-provoking statement: “No one really wants the difficult work of being a caregiver but [they] do their best.”
Many caregivers find themselves caring for multiple family members, often in succession. This was the case for one Oregon woman who provided care for her dad, then her mom, along with an aging aunt.
“In the course of caregiving, she neglected her health, gained weight, developed high blood pressure and several infections,” says Ansberry. But the woman, now 55, is regaining her own wellness thanks to a therapist and her personal trainer husband. She even goes on what she terms “rage runs” with a fellow runner and caregiver, a chance for both to air their frustrations with someone who understands.
“Wellness for her is a day-to-day measure,” Ansberry writes. “She feels well today and hopes she does next week. ‘I recognize this is hard. I have to give myself grace.’”
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(originally reported at www.wsj.com)
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