Experience is often the best teacher in life. Reading about a difficult situation is one thing, but actually living through it provides an unmatched level of wisdom and insight.
Today, we are highlighting a powerful case in point regarding the heavy realities of family caregiving. In an insightful article from the Washington Post, which we first featured late last year, reporter Shannon Najmabadi profiles several baby boomer parents who understand these challenges firsthand. These mothers and fathers have experienced the severe emotional and financial stress of caregiving for their own aging loved ones.
Because of those experiences, they are now determined to take the steps necessary to make certain their adult kids aren’t dumped unprepared into that same set of challenges.
We think this article brings a powerful “been there, done that” message to the burdens and joys of caregiving. Perhaps it will inspire all of us to do a better job of proactive planning for our own long-term care needs instead of putting it off!
After “Overwhelming” Experience, California Woman Creates an Aging Plan
Najmabadi begins her article by introducing us to Jocelyn Combs, 76, of Pleasanton, California.
Combs has put a lot of effort into aging gracefully. She has set up her will and trust in an easy to access location, told friends and family where to find her passwords, and started culling her possessions, except for the ones she’s setting aside for her daughter. She’s even had an accessory dwelling unit built on her property, ready for a caregiver if needed, or for herself if she eventually decides to rent out her house for extra income.
“It’s all part of her aging plan, drawn from the often-overwhelming experience of caring for her own parents — who both lived into their 90s — and one legacy the 76-year-old is adamant about sparing her only child,” Najmabadi writes.
In fact, Combs is still going through her parents’ possessions, years later.
“It was brutal. The emotional toll, the financial toll, all of it,” Combs says. “I’m trying to set myself up to be less of a burden to my daughter.”
Family Caregivers Are Determined to Avoid Parents’ Mistakes
Combs isn’t the only one of her generation preparing for an easier aging process, Najmabadi tells us.
“Surveys from the National Alliance for Caregiving and advocacy group AARP show 47 percent of family caregivers — mostly caring for aging parents or adults with disabilities — said they had such arrangements [in 2025], up from 42 percent a decade ago,” she writes.
This growing focus on long-term care planning is deeply rooted in personal experience. About half of the caregivers in the survey report financial hardships, lost income, and depleted savings, all due to their caregiving responsibilities.
Proactive Elder Care Planning on the Rise to Prevent a Crisis
“We’re seeing a huge spike in elder care planning,” largely driven by adult children, says Gabriel Shahin, chief executive of Falcon Wealth Planning. “Ten years ago these conversations only happened after a crisis, now they’re happening proactively.”
It’s no secret that the baby boomer generation—those born between 1946 and 1964—are living longer than any previous generation. This demographic shift, Najmabadi says, means more people will be expected to shoulder caregiving duties in the ensuing years.
“The number of Americans 65 and older is projected to increase more than 30 percent by 2050 — with these older adults making up 1 in 4 Americans by then, compared with about 1 in 10 in the 1980s,” she writes.
Shortage of Professional Caregivers Leaves Families Responsible
This rise in caregiving need is colliding with a worrying shortage of professional caregivers.
“Already, the number of family caregivers has increased 45 percent since 2014, according to surveys conducted by the caregiving alliance and AARP,” Najmabadi writes. “About one-third of family caregivers have been providing that care for five years or more, one of those surveys shows.”
Cost is another major factor driving families to act. The median out-of-pocket cost for a room in a private nursing home facility in 2024 was $10,650 per month, and Genworth reports that an assisted-living facility cost an average of $5,900 monthly, with many areas considerably more expensive.
“Not only is caregiving becoming more prevalent [and] more stressful, it’s also lasting longer,” says Jason Resendez, president of the National Alliance for Caregiving. “This is not a looming crisis. This is something that people are living through right now every day.”
Parents Are Broaching “Taboo Topics” in Conversations with Family
Those who have lived through this crisis have been “spurred” to take action, says Najmabadi. As an example, she highlights Boston resident Joan Savitt.
In 2018 and 2019, Joan traveled back and forth from Boston to Cleveland when her mother—who was 101 at the time of the article—moved into an assisted-living facility.
“Savitt spent days clearing out the house where her mother raised six kids, packing up 55 years’ worth of stuff, creating a 39-page Google document where family members could pick out items they wanted, and then mailing those items out. She also arranged for the repairs the house needed to pass city inspections and go on the market,” Najmabadi writes.
It took six months for Savitt to sort through her mother’s finances, an ordeal that required her to add her own name to some credit cards and cancel others. After four years, Savitt and her husband moved to Cleveland, where Savitt still steps in to drive her mother to appointments.
When Serving as a Caregiver, “Don’t Be a Martyr”
“Savitt believes the pressure and strain of caregiving affected her health,” Najmabadi writes. “She developed a cotton-wool spot on her eye, which her doctor attributed to a spike in her blood pressure. She seethed at relatives who didn’t show up to help when she asked or who made what she deemed onerous demands, such as mailing them heavy and unwieldy objects at her expense.”
So, when asked for her advice, Savitt’s response is: “Don’t be a martyr.”
She says, “If I had realized that this is a matter of my health and my sanity, that might have overridden the desire to get along with everyone.”
This experience has led her to consider her own aging, planning to downsize if she outlives her husband. “I would have an estate sale, and then I would move out of this house pretty quickly,” she adds.
Caregiving Burden Often Triggers Family Strain, Bitterness
Savitt’s story is common, Najmabadi says. Caregiving responsibilities tend to fall on one family member, typically a daughter, or the person who lives closest. Resendez adds that this can lead to strain between siblings or stir feelings of resentment or guilt in the caregiver.
This was true for Susan Patrick, 72, of Virginia. She cared for her mother for about 30 years, which led to an estrangement from her siblings who she felt weren’t contributing.
“We Couldn’t Go Anywhere, Do Anything”
After her mother could no longer drive, Patrick and her husband moved her into a house across the street so that Patrick could drive her to appointments. But the responsibilities only grew as her mother’s health declined.
Patrick quit her job as a lawyer, halving the family’s income. Her husband was supportive, she says, but the pressure took a toll. “We couldn’t go anywhere. We couldn’t do anything,” Patrick told Najmabadi.
Outside help was in short supply. Two of her siblings stepped in to take over their mother’s care for a few months each year, so she could have a break. Her other two siblings refused to help, one citing their far away location and multi-level home. This turned to conflict, Patrick says; the relationships never recovered.
“Aha Moment” as Caregiving Strain Causes Many to Make Stronger Plans
“For many, the strain of caring for aging parents becomes a catalyst for adults to examine what they want for themselves and their children as they age,” Najmabadi writes.
Eric Einhart, president of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, called it “an aha moment for the next generation of caretakers.”
Parents Don’t Want to Have Their Kids Share Their Own Experience
This was true for Colleen Gleason, whose story concludes the article.
After her parents died, Colleen met with an elder law attorney, filed a living will, and told her son and her close friend that she wants to be cremated. “She also took steps to ensure her estate doesn’t end up in probate court, which could be an expensive hassle for her son,” Najmabadi adds.
Gleason spent much of her parents’ final years of life traveling back and forth from Virginia to Philadelphia, helping them in every way she could. “During that time, it was just this constant, ‘How am I going to do this?’” she says.
While Gleason’s son has assured her that he’ll take care of her as she gets older, she has been clear with him that she doesn’t want to repeat the cycle.
“I said, ‘I don’t want to put that on you,’” she says. “My parents put that on me.’”
Rajiv Nagaich – Your Retirement Planning Coach and Guide
Are you looking for expert guidance to navigate these complex family decisions? Rajiv Nagaich’s newest program on PBS, called Designing Your Ideal Future, is bringing Rajiv’s powerful message to Americans from coast to coast. This engaging and challenging PBS show is prompting thousands to take a fresh look at the type of planning that will help them succeed in retirement.
In this one-hour PBS special, Rajiv Nagaich takes viewers step-by-step through the principles of creating a retirement plan that truly supports the life you want to live. Instead of generic check-the-box paperwork, Rajiv reveals how to infuse your perspective — your values, goals, and priorities — into every legal document and life plan component so your plan becomes a living system for your future.
Designing Your Ideal Future includes insights from real-world planning examples and a live Q&A with Rajiv Nagaich that answers viewer questions about retirement planning, legal readiness, and family communication. It’s perfect for anyone approaching retirement, currently retired, or responsible for a loved one’s future care — and for those who want a clear, effective approach to planning that prioritizes personal choice and quality of life.
What About You?
You’ve heard Rajiv say it repeatedly: 70 percent of retirement plans will fail. If you know someone whose retirement turned into a nightmare when they were forced into a nursing home, went broke paying for care, or became a burden to their families – and you want to make sure it doesn’t happen to you – then these materials are your key to retirement success.
Visit your local PBS station’s schedule to find airtimes and learn how to access companion resources — including a free Legal Readiness Quiz and tools to help build your complete LifePlanning system.
Don’t remain among the millions of Americans sleepwalking their way into a retirement they never wanted. Instead, your retirement can be the exciting and fulfilling life you’ve always hoped it would be. Start by watching, reading and sharing Rajiv’s important message.
And remember, Age On, everyone!
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