The term “downsizing” involves much more than a simple housing decision. For most older Americans who elect to downsize in retirement, there’s a significant amount of emotion involved.
We were reminded of that important aspect of downsizing as we read this insightful article on the website of Twin Cities PBS, formerly the digital home of NextAvenue. We discovered this particular article only this week, but it was actually published last fall. Author Julie Pfitzinger writes this essay from personal experience, having recently gone through the death of a spouse coupled with the decision to sell the home where she and her husband raised their family.
This week on the Blog, as we focus on housing-related issues, this article provides a helpful reminder for us not to overlook the emotional side of the decisions we make. Let’s look into her story to see how Pfitzinger dealt with the process.
Making the Difficult Decision to Move On After Loss
Pfitzinger begins, “Earlier this year, I made the difficult decision to sell the home where my husband Jim and I lived together for 31 years, the place where we raised our two children. Jim died in July 2023 and it became clear the time had come for me to move on. And so, the downsizing began — one of the most difficult and emotionally challenging projects I have ever undertaken.”
She notes that her experiences from this period could fill pages and pages, but much of the process boiled down to this: “‘getting rid of stuff’ is as layered as the overfilled bookshelves, closets and drawers I was navigating – and I realized other people likely feel the same way.”
Working with Professional Organizers to Process Life Stories
Experts understand that “stuff” isn’t just “stuff.”
Cris Sgrott, founder and owner of Washington D.C.-based Organizing Maniacs, along with her sister Vanessa, help clients get to the root of digging through the “emotional baggage” that piles up around us in our day-to-day lives.
According to Sgrott, it’s all about a mindset shift toward “storytelling” for your stuff.
“One of the reasons that people hire professional organizers to help them is that we can create a safe space for storytelling,” she says. “We can honor the memories of say, a vase, and hear someone when they tell the story out loud.”
How to Declutter Sentimental Items without Feeling Overwhelmed
She goes on to explain that people tend to start in the wrong place when they dive into downsizing; they usually begin with the most difficult stuff: childhood art from their now-grown children, or sentimental photos. These are the objects that will only cover the entire process in melancholy, thinking back on the memories.
“Start with the dining room,” Sgrott says. “Go through the plates and silverware. They probably won’t hold as much emotional value.”
Tips for Downsizing with a Partner or Aging Parents
If you have a partner in your downsizing project, like a spouse, Sgrott suggests picking a time when you both have the emotional bandwidth and making the chore into a “date night” activity. Tell the stories of each item to each other as you declutter.
If the companion in downsizing happens to be an adult child helping their aging parent, Sgrott says that this can come with its own challenges. She warns that conflict can arise when one of the pair is a “keeper” and the other a “thrower” – most often, she adds, the younger one is the thrower, especially if they’re helping their parent move. Projects like this can turn “sour,” says Sgrott, but they don’t have to.
Giving Your Family Space to Be Heard During the Transition
Sgrott relayed to Pfitzinger the story of a mother attempting to downsize her home with her daughter, an adult in her 40s. Both found themselves holding ground on what to keep and what to throw out.
Sgrott recounts, “I left them alone and before long, there was a softening between them. There was laughter. One was sharing a story. Out of what had started as two or three bins of things the mother wanted to keep, there ended up being two or three single items. Their stories about the things were honored and then they could let go.”
She adds, “We all get unreasonable when we feel we aren’t being heard.”
Balancing Practical Decluttering with Nostalgic Keepsakes
“Not everything is clutter,” Sgrott says, despite how easy it can be to see “bulging closets and overflowing desks” and feel overwhelmed.
“There is a percentage of things that you do want to keep, and that’s good,” she says. “I think it’s fun to find pictures of myself when I was in my 20s. Looking at them validates who I was, who I am now… that’s not clutter.”
That said, she doesn’t encourage letting everything stay: “There are only so many bowls you need. You know which ones you love and which ones you use. There are things you need to make decisions on.”
This is all summed up in one of Sgrott’s downsizing mantras: “Be ruthless, don’t be reckless.”
If a sentimental item is one of a kind, it’s worth keeping. But though it can be a tricky process, Sgrott says that lots of people arrive at the mindset that their gently used items may make someone else really happy.
Replacing the Fear of Clearing Out with Cherished Memories
“It’s easy to be fearful of letting things go,” Pfitzinger writes, concluding her article. “Now that I have been through my downsizing, I recognize that I frequently confronted those feelings. Overall, I feel I made good choices. In my new space, I have things that make me happy, that remind me not only of my husband and our family, but of my parents and his parents.”
This tracks neatly with Sgrott’s own gentle reminder, which bring the article to a close: “The goal is to surround yourself with the things you love and that bring meaning to you.”
Comprehensive Retirement Planning with Rajiv Nagaich
Rajiv Nagaich’s newest program on PBS, called Designing Your Ideal Future, is bringing Rajiv’s powerful message to Americans from coast to coast. This engaging and challenging PBS show is prompting thousands to take a fresh look at the type of planning that will help them succeed in retirement.
In this one-hour PBS special, Rajiv Nagaich takes viewers step-by-step through the principles of creating a retirement plan that truly supports the life you want to live. Instead of generic check-the-box paperwork, Rajiv reveals how to infuse your perspective — your values, goals, and priorities — into every legal document and life plan component so your plan becomes a living system for your future.
Designing Your Ideal Future includes insights from real-world planning examples and a live Q&A with Rajiv Nagaich that answers viewer questions about retirement planning, legal readiness, and family communication. It’s perfect for anyone approaching retirement, currently retired, or responsible for a loved one’s future care — and for those who want a clear, effective approach to planning that prioritizes personal choice and quality of life.
Take the Next Step Toward Successful Retirement Living
You’ve heard Rajiv say it repeatedly: 70 percent of retirement plans will fail.
If you know someone whose retirement turned into a nightmare when they were forced into a nursing home, went broke paying for care, or became a burden to their families – and you want to make sure it doesn’t happen to you – then these materials are your key to retirement success.
Visit your local PBS station’s schedule to find airtimes and learn how to access companion resources — including a free Legal Readiness Quiz and tools to help build your complete LifePlanning system.
Don’t remain among the millions of Americans sleepwalking their way into a retirement they never wanted. Instead, your retirement can be the exciting and fulfilling life you’ve always hoped it would be. Start by watching, reading and sharing Rajiv’s important message.
And remember, Age On, everyone!ng things go,” Pfitzinger writes, concluding her article. “Now that I have been through my downsizing, I recognize that I frequently confronted those feelings. Overall, I feel I made good choices. In my new space, I have things that make me happy, that remind me not only of my husband and our family, but of my parents and his parents.”
This tracks neatly with Sgrott’s own gentle reminder, which bring the article to a close: “The goal is to surround yourself with the things you love and that bring meaning to you.”
Comprehensive Retirement Planning with Rajiv Nagaich
Rajiv Nagaich’s newest program on PBS, called Designing Your Ideal Future, is bringing Rajiv’s powerful message to Americans from coast to coast. This engaging and challenging PBS show is prompting thousands to take a fresh look at the type of planning that will help them succeed in retirement.
In this one-hour PBS special, Rajiv Nagaich takes viewers step-by-step through the principles of creating a retirement plan that truly supports the life you want to live. Instead of generic check-the-box paperwork, Rajiv reveals how to infuse your perspective — your values, goals, and priorities — into every legal document and life plan component so your plan becomes a living system for your future.
Designing Your Ideal Future includes insights from real-world planning examples and a live Q&A with Rajiv Nagaich that answers viewer questions about retirement planning, legal readiness, and family communication. It’s perfect for anyone approaching retirement, currently retired, or responsible for a loved one’s future care — and for those who want a clear, effective approach to planning that prioritizes personal choice and quality of life.
Take the Next Step Toward Successful Retirement Living
You’ve heard Rajiv say it repeatedly: 70 percent of retirement plans will fail.
If you know someone whose retirement turned into a nightmare when they were forced into a nursing home, went broke paying for care, or became a burden to their families – and you want to make sure it doesn’t happen to you – then these materials are your key to retirement success.
Visit your local PBS station’s schedule to find airtimes and learn how to access companion resources — including a free Legal Readiness Quiz and tools to help build your complete LifePlanning system.
Don’t remain among the millions of Americans sleepwalking their way into a retirement they never wanted. Instead, your retirement can be the exciting and fulfilling life you’ve always hoped it would be. Start by watching, reading and sharing Rajiv’s important message.
And remember, Age On, everyone!
The post Downsizing in Retirement: Managing the Emotional Toll of Moving On appeared first on Home.
