Every so often, a story comes across our desks that demands our full attention. We experienced that late last year when we first encountered this deeply moving column in the Wall Street Journal. It chronicles the lives of Glenn and Karen Ruffenach, a couple who meticulously designed their golden years, only to have those plans shattered by an Alzheimer’s diagnosis.
Glenn Ruffenach is uniquely qualified to speak on the complexities facing seniors today. As a former retirement columnist for the Wall Street Journal, he spent decades advising others on how to prepare for the future. His firsthand account is both tender and remarkably honest. While we cannot reprint his entire narrative, the Ruffenach family story serves as a vital cautionary tale for anyone approaching their later years. It underscores the importance of planning for the unexpected while remaining resilient when life deviates from the script.
(Please be aware that a subscription may be required to read the full account on the Wall Street Journal website.)
A Life-Changing Diagnosis Early in Retirement
“I had heard the adage many times: Man plans, God laughs,” Ruffenach begins. “I just never imagined it would apply to my retirement.”
The couple transitioned into full-time retirement a decade ago. However, the peace was short-lived. Just four years into this new chapter, Karen was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Ruffenach explains that within a single year, he transitioned into the role of a full-time caregiver. This shift caused the retirement they had spent years building to come to a sudden, grinding halt.
The irony of the situation is not lost on him. As an editor and reporter for the Wall Street Journal for thirty years, retirement planning was his professional specialty. He even co-authored a book focused on how to plan and enjoy later life.
Navigating the Shift from “The Ideal Blueprint” to Reality
Ruffenach admits that they entered retirement with a high degree of confidence. They possessed a solid financial nest egg and appeared to be in good health. At the time, they believed the only thing left to do was enjoy the fruits of their labor.
Once the diagnosis arrived, the daily challenges became overwhelming. Ruffenach describes the experience of managing a progressive disease as heart-wrenching and demoralizing. It forced him to reconsider everything he thought he knew about the balance of leisure and work in old age.
Despite the immense struggle, he views this period as an opportunity to learn what truly matters. He notes that while they were dealt a difficult hand, they remain committed to making the most of the time they have left together.
The Reality of Full-Time Caregiving and Safety
Ruffenach provides a candid look at their daily lives, which now revolve entirely around Karen’s intensive needs. Because the disease has rendered her nonverbal and prone to paranoia, she requires constant supervision for almost every task.
He recalls a terrifying incident from two years ago when Karen, believing she was in danger, slipped out of the house on a freezing evening. It took the police three hours to find her on a neighbor’s porch. This event prompted the installation of a comprehensive alarm system to ensure her safety.
Honoring a Marriage Vow Made Decades Ago
For Ruffenach, caregiving is the ultimate fulfillment of his wedding vow to remain faithful “in sickness and in health.” While he considers it an honor, he does not hide the fact that the role is physically and emotionally exhausting.
Fatigue is his most persistent challenge. This exhaustion stems not only from the physical demands of the day but also from the anxiety of what the future holds. He frequently wonders how quickly her symptoms will decline and how he will cope as the illness progresses.
Managing Financial Anxiety and Memory Care Costs
The author shares the haunting questions that many caregivers face regarding the long-term sustainability of their care. He grapples with whether he should continue providing care alone or transition Karen to a specialized memory-care facility.
Financial concerns weigh heavily on him as well. In his area, high-quality professional care starts at approximately $12,000 per month. He wonders how their savings will withstand such staggering costs, especially when he feels a personal responsibility to be the primary provider of her care.
Even when facing these anxieties, Ruffenach finds that his faith provides a necessary anchor. He has realized that he can either dwell on the retirement they lost or find gratitude in their current “mini” retirement.
Finding Joy in Small, Meaningful Moments
The couple’s current lifestyle is a scaled-back version of their original dreams. They focus on slow daily walks, occasional meals with friends, and dementia-friendly classes. They also participate in “senior bingo” at their church and spend time with family.
Music has become a surprising bridge for them. Though Karen struggles to speak, she is still occasionally able to sing. Ruffenach emphasizes that they now cherish these small moments, noting that they have become the most precious parts of their retirement.
Critical Lessons on Downsizing and Aging in Place
Reflecting on his experience, Ruffenach notes that living through a crisis is far different from writing about one. He admits that they waited too long to make certain practical changes to their living situation.
Specifically, he regrets not downsizing while they were still healthy. They had discussed selling their large home for a more manageable property where they could “age in place,” but procrastination took over. Now, he is tasked with maintaining a large house and yard while simultaneously serving as a full-time caregiver.
The Importance of Prioritizing Travel and Goals
Another major takeaway involves their approach to travel. While they did take several trips early on, many “dream journeys” were postponed under the assumption that they had plenty of time.
In hindsight, Ruffenach wishes they had been more intentional about pursuing their most important goals immediately. He suggests that many people assume life will respect their retirement timeline, but his experience proves that is rarely the case.
Addressing the Need for Long-Term Care Insurance
Financial hindsight is equally revealing. Ruffenach stresses that everyone approaching retirement needs a plan for long-term care. He cites a 2019 federal study indicating that 70 percent of adults reaching age 65 will eventually require some form of long-term support.
His personal regret is that he started researching long-term-care insurance too late. While he was able to secure coverage for himself, Karen was rejected due to her health status. He believes that had he acted sooner, they would both be covered. Currently, all expenses for her care must be paid directly from their personal savings.
Why Early Medical Intervention is Vital
The regret that weighs most heavily on him is not seeking medical help sooner. He suspects that he may have missed or even denied early signs of Karen’s dementia, such as her losing interest in her favorite hobbies like gardening.
He strongly advises others to consult a neurologist the moment they notice changes. Early diagnosis is particularly important now, as new medications may help slow the progression of dementia in its initial stages.
A Rare Moment of Connection and Clarity
Ruffenach concludes his story by addressing a common question from friends. They often ask if he experiences “Hollywood moments” where Karen suddenly recognizes him, similar to scenes in movies like The Notebook.
He admits that she only recognizes him about half the time. However, he shares a recent, tender interaction that occurred while he was helping her after a shower. As he promised to take care of her, she looked up, smiled, and spoke a full sentence: “And I’ll take care of you.”
It wasn’t a movie ending, but for Ruffenach, it was a profound moment of connection that will sustain him through the challenges ahead.
Rajiv Nagaich – Your Retirement Planning Coach and Guide
Rajiv Nagaich’s newest program on PBS, called Designing Your Ideal Future, is bringing Rajiv’s powerful message to Americans from coast to coast. This engaging and challenging PBS show is prompting thousands to take a fresh look at the type of planning that will help them succeed in retirement.
In this one-hour PBS special, Rajiv Nagaich takes viewers step-by-step through the principles of creating a retirement plan that truly supports the life you want to live. Instead of generic check-the-box paperwork, Rajiv reveals how to infuse your perspective — your values, goals, and priorities — into every legal document and life plan component so your plan becomes a living system for your future.
Designing Your Ideal Future includes insights from real-world planning examples and a live Q&A with Rajiv Nagaich that answers viewer questions about retirement planning, legal readiness, and family communication. It’s perfect for anyone approaching retirement, currently retired, or responsible for a loved one’s future care — and for those who want a clear, effective approach to planning that prioritizes personal choice and quality of life.
What about you?
You’ve heard Rajiv say it repeatedly: 70 percent of retirement plans will fail. If you know someone whose retirement turned into a nightmare when they were forced into a nursing home, went broke paying for care, or became a burden to their families — and you want to make sure it doesn’t happen to you — then these materials are your key to retirement success.
Visit your local PBS station’s schedule to find airtimes and learn how to access companion resources — including a free Legal Readiness Quiz and tools to help build your complete LifePlanning system.
Don’t remain among the millions of Americans sleepwalking their way into a retirement they never wanted. Instead, your retirement can be the exciting and fulfilling life you’ve always hoped it would be. Start by watching, reading, and sharing Rajiv’s important message.
And remember, Age On, everyone!
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