The old adage reminds us that “those who fail to plan, plan to fail.” This sentiment is undeniably true in the arena of retirement planning. It helps explain a dismal statistic often cited by Rajiv Nagaich: while 90 percent of seniors hope to age in place, only about 30 percent actually live out their lives in their own homes.
In too many instances, that gap represents a significant planning failure. This week, our focus is on the shortcomings of traditional estate planning, and the reality that planning for long-term care needs has to be part of any complete retirement strategy. As a recent USA Today article reminds us, when we fail to plan for our eventual need for care, we aren’t the only ones who pay the price.
Our refusal to plan will almost assuredly affect our loved ones as well. Let’s take a look at the article, written late last year by USA Today reporter Madeline Mitchell, to see what planning lessons it holds for us. With the growing stress on family caregivers, this topic couldn’t be more apropos.
The Reality of the “Waiting Game” for Dementia Care
Through Mitchell’s reporting, we meet 48-year-old Melissa Rogers from Minnesota. Her mother, Alice, developed dementia and could not live in her own home in her final days. “Rogers found a memory care facility in Minnesota, where they live, and applied for a senior voucher to place her mom there,” Mitchell writes.
According to Rogers, it then became a “waiting game.” In March 2023, her mother moved in with Rogers and her family. Melissa Rogers eventually quit her job to care for her mother full time.
Months passed as her mother’s health declined. Rogers watched her twin daughters process the reality that their grandmother didn’t know who they were anymore. After four months, Rogers’ mother passed away. Ironically, in September, Rogers got a call from the memory care facility stating they had a room available, but it was too late.
Why Families Struggle to Discuss Senior Housing and Care Needs
As USA Today explains, the predicament of the Rogers family isn’t particularly unusual. What’s striking is how far apart parents and adult kids seem to be, and how little conversation is actually taking place on this core issue.
Mitchell writes that while 74 percent of adults say they would want to be cared for at home, according to data from Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance, a new survey of more than 1,200 adults in the United States found 7 in 10 family caregivers don’t want their aging parents to live with them.
Even more surprising, the survey found that only 17 percent of respondents have had fully detailed discussions with their parents about their care needs and the possibility of moving to senior housing or seeking other housing solutions.
The Danger of Delaying Conversations Until a Health Emergency
For her USA Today article, Mitchell spoke with Joseph Cuticelli, cofounder and CEO of Restaura, a culinary company for senior living facilities. His sad personal experience with his own father was likely not atypical.
“My father waited until 10 days before he died to tell me how he wanted to handle his end of life,” Cuticelli tells USA Today. This was a conversation he tried to have for a long time, but his father remained hesitant.
Mitchell notes that these delayed conversations can become urgent when health emergencies arise or a parent’s health starts to rapidly decline. Melissa Rogers said her family hadn’t prepared for her mom’s senior years at all, noting that you are simply “thrown into it.”
How the High Cost of Care Impacts the “Sandwich Generation”
Even though most adults don’t want their aging parents to live with them, many still find themselves in that situation,” Mitchell writes. For a lot of families, the decision boils down to cost.
She quotes a recent survey from online lender LendingTree, which reveals that 46 percent of Americans either provide financial support for their aging parents or expect to. Furthermore, of those who support their parents financially, more than half have incurred debt to do so.
This in turn damages family ties. Mitchell cites LendingTree data showing that almost half feel resentment toward their parents because of the financial burden. This resentment is understandable, the article suggests, since only 42 percent of boomers and 35 percent of Gen X respondents have planned financially for their own long-term care.
Matt Schulz, LendingTree’s chief consumer finance analyst, tells USA Today that caring for aging parents is noble, but it is also reasonable to feel resentment. He suggests sandwich generation caregivers start preparing as soon as they can, before their parents need help, because you can never put too much money away.
The Long Road to Financial Recovery for Family Caregivers
For the Rogers family, even the short period of time their aging mother was with them took a severe toll on family finances. Melissa Rogers told Mitchell that quitting her job meant the family was losing about $300 per week.
“That meant a lot of things for my family,” she said, noting they were in debt when her mother passed because she had been living with them. Mitchell writes that after her mother died, Rogers said it took at least a year for her family’s finances to get back on track.
Daniel Loventhal of Northwestern Mutual notes the impact of caregiving on the sandwich generation. He tells USA Today it is a real challenge when taking care of multiple generations at the same time from a time, stress, and financial perspective. He questions if a younger generation can still save for their kids’ education while helping to pay for a parent’s care.
Understanding the Importance of Prioritizing Your Own Family
Kathleen Korpela, a caregiving consultant in Seattle, knows the landscape of caregiving firsthand. When her father started to need significant care because of Alzheimer’s disease in 2017, her family was “woefully unprepared.”
The family had never discussed senior care and were clueless about the reality of dementia. Neither Korpela nor her brother could provide in-home care, so they got their father qualified for Medicaid and moved him into an adult family home.
Korpela tells USA Today that the process of Medicaid qualification can take years, requiring extensive research and emotional conversations. Her brother and she recognized that while they loved their father, they needed to support their own livelihoods and families.
Her advice to clients is straightforward: as much as you might love your parent, you cannot put your own financial livelihood and future security at risk. That said, the earlier people can plan for their parents’ financial and living situation, the better.
Rajiv Nagaich – Your Retirement Planning Coach and Guide
Rajiv Nagaich’s newest program on PBS, called Designing Your Ideal Future, is bringing Rajiv’s powerful message to Americans from coast to coast. This engaging and challenging PBS show is prompting thousands to take a fresh look at the type of planning that will help them succeed in retirement.
In this one-hour PBS special, Rajiv Nagaich takes viewers step-by-step through the principles of creating a retirement plan that truly supports the life you want to live. Instead of generic check-the-box paperwork, Rajiv reveals how to infuse your perspective — your values, goals, and priorities — into every legal document and life plan component so your plan becomes a living system for your future.
Designing Your Ideal Future includes insights from real-world planning examples and a live Q&A with Rajiv Nagaich that answers viewer questions about retirement planning, legal readiness, and family communication. It’s perfect for anyone approaching retirement, currently retired, or responsible for a loved one’s future care — and for those who want a clear, effective approach to planning that prioritizes personal choice and quality of life.
What about you?
You’ve heard Rajiv say it repeatedly: 70 percent of retirement plans will fail. If you know someone whose retirement turned into a nightmare when they were forced into a nursing home, went broke paying for care, or became a burden to their families – and you want to make sure it doesn’t happen to you – then these materials are your key to retirement success.
Visit your local PBS station’s schedule to find airtimes and learn how to access companion resources — including a free Legal Readiness Quiz and tools to help build your complete LifePlanning system.
Don’t remain among the millions of Americans sleepwalking their way into a retirement they never wanted. Instead, your retirement can be the exciting and fulfilling life you’ve always hoped it would be. Start by watching, reading and sharing Rajiv’s important message.
And remember, Age On, everyone!
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